We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
is it fun? or sober?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
