and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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