I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
