OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
