i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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