Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
