Will you blow on my dice?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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