My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
