He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
