U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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