Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
