i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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