I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
