Got a toothbrush?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
