I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
