i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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