Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Can I color on your dick again?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
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