Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think my moral compass just broke
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
