that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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