he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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