You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
