i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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