she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
