If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My Sexting was not on an AP level
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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