God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So many bounce houses so little time
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
