How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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