He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
