I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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