I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
