Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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