i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
