WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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