I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
