i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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