I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize