we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
