no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
