so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
