At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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