This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
