Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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