I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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