I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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