I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize