$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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