ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
should my penis look like a turkey
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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