as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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