White coat. Heels.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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