Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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