I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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