i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize