you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
