hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I showed him my bush... on skype.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
