I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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