ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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