been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
