Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Sober January is a disaster.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
