Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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