Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
