My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
