i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
