Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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