on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Please don't give away my fajitas
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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