He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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