I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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