I'm eating all of the evidence.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize