Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
