just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
