i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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