I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
