epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
