im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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