just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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