I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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