I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
