Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
