Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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