she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
