first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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