this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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