theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
