So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize