i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
