We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
