i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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