walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
