:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
