You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
