i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
