I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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