im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
