do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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