He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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