Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize