I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
