So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
