i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
