I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize