my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
