If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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