Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
