Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
